One Week of French Torment
by ChibiFrubaGirl
Summary: [AU AxelRiku] Riku and Axel lost a bet to Luxord... Now they've gotta face the embarassing consequences...
1. Chapter 1

It all started with a bet. One stupid fucked up bet.

Or at least, that's how Riku saw it.

-

"Put your money where your mouth is!"

"Oh bring it on shorty!" Axel bellowed, snapping his fingers in a Z formation.

Riku was staying at Organization XIII's house for the week. Partly to spend time with his boyfriend but mostly to escape his psycho best friends Sora and Kairi. It was his first day there and already he knew he would have a great time this week. It wasn't possible to get bored at the Organization's mansion-like home.

"Alright, alright! Settle down!" said Xemnas stepping in between Roxas and Axel, "Now… We're just gonna have to settle this the official way…"

"How's that?" asked Demyx tilting his head to the side.

"Boys," said Xemnas, "we're gonna have us an eating competition between Roxas and Axel!" This announcement was followed by much enthused yelling and inane whooping.

Axel looked at Roxas and smirked, "It's on, blondie."

Roxas replied by sticking his middle finger at Axel rudely and stalking off to go prepare for the fight of his young life.

Riku wandered over to Axel and Luxord, smiling at his boyfriend encouragingly.

"I am so going to kick his scrawny ass," muttered Axel, voice dangerously low.

"You _so _are," said Riku, surprising himself by how much he sounded like some slutty cheerleader.

"I mean after all," said Axel scratching the back of his neck, "I'm like eight years older than him… That gives me a huge advantage in capacity."

"What are you two going to be eating?" asked Riku curiously.

"Larxene's taking care of that," said Luxord jerking his thumb in the direction of the kitchen.

"Oh crap," said Axel, "I bet she'll poison the food or something."

Luxord scowled at him, "Nah, I don't think so… She's just as interested in seeing the result of this competition as the rest of us."

"Who's interested?" asked Riku sarcastically, "It's obvious Axel's going to win."

"Thanks," replied Axel giving Riku a quick kiss.

"I wouldn't be too sure of that…" said Luxord thoughtfully, "I think Roxas can win if he really wants to…"

"Oh please," said Riku, "Axel's way older and bigger! He can handle way more food than the shrimp!"

"Yeah, really," said Axel, "how could you even think I'd lose to him?"

"Alright then," said Luxord a particularly devious look spreading across his face, "I'll bet Roxas will win."

Riku and Axel gulped and glanced at each other. Everyone knew betting against Luxord was dangerous. The man was practically psychic with his ability to always win. The only person who ever bet against him anymore was Larxene, because she was too stubborn to admit he would always win. But then again… The odds were in their favor this time… They'd probably never get a chance to come this close to beating Luxord again…

"You're on," said Axel grabbing Luxord's hand and shaking it, "Riku, you in?"

"Yeah," said Riku, folding his arms imposingly across his chest.

"Excellent," said Luxord smoothly.

"So," said Axel clapping his hands together, "what are the stakes?"

Luxord's grin broadened and quite suddenly Riku and Axel didn't feel nearly as confident.

-

"Are you sure this time?" asked Kairi exasperatedly as she eyed her lees than competent boyfriend, "This is the tenth house…"

"I'm sure already!" cried Sora in frustration, gripping the map with unsteady hands. Kairi sighed and moved closer to him.

"Here," she said softly, "just let me see the map."

"No!" snapped Sora, pouting as he waved the map around at arm's length, "I'm sure I got it right this time! This is definetly the house Riku is staying in!"

Selphie, Tidus and Wakka watched the lover's quarrel from a safe distance, doing their best to stay out of it. Although they had to agree with Kairi on this one.

"That's what you said the last nine times!" shouted Kairi.

"But this time I'm right!"

"But what if you're not?!"

"_'What if?' 'What if?' _What is it with you and what ifs?" asked Sora, "Now c'mon! I'm really positive this time!"

"Okay," said Kairi, trying not to roll her eyes as she followed Sora up the steps to the rather large house. The five of them had spent the whole day trying to track down Riku in hopes of finally meeting his ever mysterious boyfriend. Even though the silver-haired wonder had told them he'd gotten a boyfriend at long last he had failed to introduce him to the five. So they'd used Selphie's uber- date crashing skills.

Sora knocked on the door politely, silently praying that he'd gotten it right this time, because in all honesty he had no clue anymore as to which way they should go.

After a few minutes a blonde woman came and opened the door, her face was a little red and she was snickering about something, "Yes (snort) can I (pfft) help you all?" she asked before doubling over laughing.

"Um yeah…" said Sora nervously, "we were just looking for our friend Riku and we were wondering if he was staying here…"

At the word "Riku" the blonde tripled over laughing so hard she actually collapsed on the floor.

"Y- Yeah… Yeah Riku's here," she choked out, "yeah let me go call him…" she straightened up taking deep breaths, "RIKU!" she bellowed, "Get your tight ass down here!"

"Why should I?!" came a snappish reply, Larxene opened the door a little wider so that Sora and co. could see the entrance hall of the large house.

"Some friends of yours are here to see you," said Larxene.

"Friends? Who?"

"Who?" asked Larxene.

"Tell him it's Sora and the others," whispered Sora.

"It's Sora and the gang!" hollered Larxene.

"WHAT?!" came a high-pitched shriek that didn't at all resemble Riku's voice and yet somehow they knew it was him, "NO! Tell them to go away! I am not going to let them see me like this!"

"You know Riku it's only as bad as you make it," said another easy-going voice, "if you don't make it a big deal neither will they."

"How can I NOT make this a big deal?! It a huge deal!"

"Alright… If you're gonna be that way about it…"

"I- Wait. What are you doing?"

"C'mon Riku darling," chimed the other voice, "we can't keep your friends waiting… After all I'm sure they came here to meet me!"

"No! God damn it Axel put me down NOW!"

"No use throwing a tantrum there, love."

"I said put me down! Now just stop it! Stop it! Ack! Axel you groping lunatic don't- Ack! No! I said stop it! Don't touch me there A- aah…"

"There now see? I can be quite gentle."

"Sh- Shut up… J- Just st-… ooh…"

"I'm good."

"Y- NO! PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW!"

"Ha!"

At that point a tall lean red head came into Sora and the others' view. He was dressed as a French maid; wearing a short pink dress with a tan apron and thigh-high white boots made of comfy bendable fabric, and to top it all off he wore a hat on his head that resembled a doily in its frilly-ness.

But what really caused the others' hearts to stop and lodge in their owners' throats was the silver-haired teen struggling against Axel. He was wearing a tan dress decorated with pink lace and a white apron. His hat was white with pink ribbons and bows and unlike the red head he was wearing pink tights that reached his upper thigh, He also had on tan high heel shoes that made his legs look very delicate and slender.

"You know," pointed out Axel mildly, "You skirt is flying everywhere with all your struggling and I'm sure you're giving your friends quite a show."

Riku, who had been kicking and beating Axel with his arms and legs, immediately stopped and pulled his skirt as far down as it would go keeping his hands in position to hold it in its proper place.

When Axel plopped Riku down on the floor he proceeded to straighten out his lover's sliver hair which was currently mussed up from the struggle he'd put up. Riku slapped his hand away irritably.

"Why?" asked Riku breathing slowly, his voice dangerously low, "Is my skirt shorter than yours?"

"Because your legs are thinner and much nicer to look at," said Axel distractedly as he resumed his occupation of fixing his boyfriend's hair. Riku blushed scarlet and glared at his "best friends" as if daring them to say something.

"Um well…" said Sora blowing out a breath, "uh, h- hey Riku… We… We were just coming to uh stop in on you and meet… um…"

"Me?" asked Axel brightly looking up from Riku's hair.

"Yup," chirped Selphie, deciding it was best to not ask about their strange attire at the moment, "Riku hasn't told us a thing about you."

"Really?" asked Axel looking in between Riku and his friends, "That's incredible! Considering how much there is to talk about!" he puffed out his lace coated chest proudly and said, "I after all, am most fascinating!"

"Axel quit your bragging and get over here!" shouted a blonde man with a goatee.

"Coming Luxord, master!" shrilled Axel, grabbing Riku by the hand and dragging him over to the living room. Larxene jerked her thumb in the direction of the living room, signing that Sora and the others should follow her.

"Okay," said Luxord sitting on the couch opposite from Axel and Riku, "we need to settle the details of the bet."

"What details?" snapped Riku, "We wear these outfits for one week and then it's over."

"Yes," said Luxord thoughtfully, "but you still have school… I think you should wear your uniform to school-

Riku sighed with relief-

-"and change into the maid costume as soon as school ends."

Riku paled, "You mean I have to walk out of the school wearing this?"

"Yes," Luxord smiled wickedly.

"Aw," cooed Axel, "it's okay Ri-ri… Axel will protect you from all the raving fan girls and perverted boys who will mistake you for a girl…"

Riku groaned and hid his head in Axel's neck, "Why me?" he moaned.

"Hey," said Zexion, "you should have known better than to bet against Luxord."

"So how did this all start?" asked Kairi curiously.

"Well…" said Axel.

-

_"C'mon Axel!" cheered Riku, Axel couldn't help but smile through his food. Riku was like his little cheerleader…_

_The battle raged for exactly forty minutes… before…_

_"Ugh," groaned Axel clutching at his stomach and falling out of his chair. The room was spinning, along with his stomach._

_"I win!" crowed Roxas, throwing his arms up in victory, right before his face turned a sickly green color and he rushed upstairs to the bathroom. His footsteps were followed by the slamming of the bathroom door and muffled retching._

_"I'm gonna be sick," moaned Axel, running off towards the other bathroom._

_"Looks like I win the bet," Luxord smirked at Riku who's face had turned paler than usual._

_"Crap," muttered the teen._

_"Sorry Riku," said Axel apologetically as he came back up from the basement, Riku shot him the mother of all glares._

_"Damn you Axel," he swore._

_"Aw, c'mon now… Don't be that way," he made to hug 'his uke' (as he called it), but Riku held up a hand before muttering:_

_"You're sleeping on the couch for one week after this… That means no more sex…"_

_"WHAT?!" cried Axel._

_"Or kissing," added Riku._

_"Not even quick-_

_"Or any kind of emotional contact AT ALL."_

_"Noooo!" the red head wailed, collapsing at his lover's feet, begging for mercy, but Riku held firm._

-

"And that's how it started," finished Axel, "we're stuck like this for one week… And in the meantime I'm loveless…" he broke into a wave of tears and clutched at Riku's arm in a pleading manner.

"No," came the emotionless reply.

"This is going to be an interesting week," said Kairi.

**Author's Note: **Credit goes to CraziiJaney for helping me think this through all the way. Also this was inspired by some fanart I found on DeviantArt. This story is going to have seven chapters, one for each day! Poor Riku… I'm going to be tormenting him so much throughout all this…

bliss


	2. The Second Day

Chapter Two

When Riku woke up the next day the first thing he noticed was that Axel was not next to him in bed. That struck him as odd seeing as how this one week sleep over thing had been mostly planned in order to give the two more… chances to… explore the… regions of… adolescence. Yeah.

Or something like that.

Slowly, Riku crept out of Axel's room and peeked out into the hallway. There were people bustling around each getting ready for the day.

Either they were heading off for their day at community college or they were going to work. In any case, Riku felt young, out of place and dorky seeing that he would have to put on a high school uniform unlike the rest of them.

Then Riku spotted Axel waking up on the couch.

_Why was he sleeping on the couch? _Wondered Riku. Shrugging he walked back into his room. And that's when he spotted IT. IT was hanging on his wall on clothes hanger.

Riku walked up to it slowly and poked the fabric. It made a slight rustling sound. Ooh…

Then it hit him:

_"Boys, we're gonna have us an eating competition between Roxas and Axel!"_

Oh crap.

Riku groaned as he slowly pulled the dress off its hanger and began to stuff it in his bag. As he did this Axel stepped into the room yawning and stretching.

"Hey, Riku," he said trying not to sound as sex-deprived as he felt.

Riku grunted in response.

"Aw, now," said Axel dotingly, "no need to get all mopey! It's only for one week! And like I said I'll protect you from the rapists and stalkers that will inevitably try to do you bodily harm."

"Thank you soooooo much," muttered Riku dryly.

"No prob," said Axel, ignoring the sarcasm.

"Whatever."

"There you go taking that tone again!"

"Axel?"

"Yes love?"

"Shut up."

"Will do."

And with that Axel (fully decked out in his maid's uniform) skipped out of the room leaving Riku alone to wallow in his misery.

"This sucks," he spat.

-----

"Hey Riku!"

"Hi… Sora…"

Riku looked miserable as he met up with Sora and Kairi outside their high school's front gates. Kairi was smiling knowingly and Sora was trying not to laugh at his friend's current position.

"Why aren't you wearing your costume?" chirped Sora, "Did you chicken out?"

"Hell no," snapped Riku, "I'm supposed to put it on when school ends, nimrod."

"So I get to laugh my ass off after school? Remind me to bring a camera."

"Kairi, not you too!"

"Sorry Riku!" said the red-head cheerfully, "But no can do this time! You're on your own! Well then again… I suppose Axel will help you out!"

_Not that I want his help, _Riku added in his mind.

"God… Kill me now," was what he actually said out loud, "please send a bolt of lightening! Anything! Just strike me down!"

"Oh Riku, you're such a drama-queen," tutted Kairi patting him on the shoulder.

"YOU THINK I'M EXAGERRATING YOU LITTLE F-

_Bring! _

And with that the three friends headed off to class.

-----

Throughout the day Riku neglected to do school work, choosing instead to watch the clock on the wall. Or rather silently pray for it to stop in his mind.

_Please slow down… Please just a little… Prolong the life I have left!_

With that last thought Riku stopped and briefly considered what Kairi had said about him being a drama queen earlier.

"So what if I am?!" he shouted banging his fists on his desk.

The students and teacher whipped around to face him.

Face reddening, Riku slid lower in his seat until only a few tufts of silver could be seen above the desk.

Kairi leaned over to Sora and whispered, "I think the stress of this bet is having some effect on his brain."

"I know," replied said brunette, "I hope he doesn't give himself an ulcer."

"No I think this will be good for him," said Kairi insistently, "he could use an opportunity to lose some of his… inability to handle situations of extreme embarrassment."

"I guess," said Sora doubtfully. Riku was a little too proud for his own good.

-----

_Ring!_

The bell represented the sound of doom to Riku. Impending doom.

It didn't help that Sora was following him around singing the Doom Song. God Riku hated that song.

Finally after a while Riku spun around smacked Sora upside the head and bellowed, "Goddamit Sora! Why can't you just shut the fuck up?!"

"Well gee, sorry Riku," said Sora, putting his hands up protectively, "Are you sure you're alright though? You've been acting really stressed."

Riku decided not to respond and instead busied himself with packing his bag and of course, getting ready for the inevitable.

Slowly, playing the funeral march in his mind, he made his way to the boy's bathroom clutching his bag like it was his only life-support. Sora followed, his face was set in what appeared to be determined indifference.

Riku slid into an empty stall with all the verge of a wounded slug (God I love that phrase) and gradually pulled out the outfit.

It didn't take long for the other boys in the bathroom to notice the fact that someone in there was undoubtedly changing clothes. This normally wouldn't seem too strange seeing as plenty of students like to change out of their uniforms right away.

The only thing about this time that really sparked their attention was the fact that the unknown seemed to also be slipping into high-heeled shoes and pink tights. And was that a skirt? _Oh my, how terribly kinky! _That thought ran through every boys' mind in that room (minus Sora's) as the lock on the stall door clicked open.

And then all hearts stopped, for there stood the perfect image of angelic-

O-kay… Moving on…

"Don't say a word," breathed Riku, voice wavering dangerously. Sora said nothing and kept his mouth firmly shut. He didn't trust it enough to leave it open.

Riku flipped of every boy in that bathroom via his middle finger before kicking the door open and slamming it shut behind him.

Sora winced before following his best friend out… When Riku stepped out into o that hallway… He basically looked ready to kill anyone and everyone that got close.

And from the looks he was being sent it seemed like quite a few people wanted to get as _close _as possible.

"Hi Riku I- Whoa holy shit."

Tidus stopped mid sentence and his eyes widened considerably.

"Uh h-hi," he began again, voice cracking with the effort of keeping his voice calm. Riku sent him the mother of all glares in return.

"Don't."

Tidus nodded and followed Sora and Riku down the hall, trying his best to talk about normal things.

This was harder than you would think, mainly because his eyes couldn't stop roving over Riku's now practically edible looking legs.

"I thought you were straight," muttered Riku darkly.

"I was," whispered Tidus.

"Tidus, you're scaring poor Riku," Sora admonished.

"Sora," said Tidus impatiently, he grabbed Sora by the head thus forcing him to examine Riku's legs, "look at those legs! You can't honestly tell me you're still straight after seeing this!!!"

Sora's eyes bugged out and his mouth dropped, "I honestly can't," he admitted.

"Y-You guys!" cried Riku.

"Take it easy Riku," said Kairi as she and Selphie and Wakka came up from behind the group, "I wouldn't be surprised if there's not a single straight guy left in this school by the end of the week."

"Or homo girl," added Selphie wiping a tiny string of drool from her mouth.

"Thank you _so _much for those lovely sentiments," said Riku icily.

"Anyways moving on," said Kairi, "this is actually pretty serious Riku."

"YOU THINK I'M NOT TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY?!" roared Riku all composure forgotten, "I am! I am taking this very seriously! Mortifyingly seriously!"

"Sure, sure," said Kairi airily, "but so am I. Riku, you could get raped."

"I think I've noticed thanks," said Riku casting anxious glances around at all the stares being sent his way.

"Alright," said Kairi, "just try to be careful okay- Watch it there you're skirt's lifting!" Riku hastily straightened his skirt. It was bad enough people were undressing him in their minds, it was worse with a skirt that had the annoying tendency to fly everywhere.

"So, did you guys start that science project yet in Mr. Strife's class?" asked Tidus.

"Ugh, yes, I know, it's so stupid!" moaned Selphie, "God, I can't believe him! Giving us homework on a nice day like today!"

"It does kinda suck," said Riku. Normally he would be joining them in with much snarky teacher bashing comments but… well…. I guess being forced to wear a French maid costume for a week can give you a change in perspective on what "sucks".

"Why don't we all work on it together?" asked Sora, "That way we can still hang out and get the work done!"

"Sora you sound like one of those old Disney movies or channel eleven programs: _'If we work together we can get the work done faster and have a fun time!'_"

Sora was about to retort when the group was interrupted by one of the most inhumane sounds they'd ever heard.

"Yooooo hooooooo!!! Riiiiiiiiku-chaaaaaaaaaan!!!"

Riku turned to see Axel come prancing (yes prancing) down the hallway towards his silver-haired lover.

"Oh shit," he muttered.

"Riku my love! How've you been?! Has anyone tried to molest your fragile body yet?" cried the red-head as he literally threw himself on top of poor Riku's back.

"I'm fine Axel," said Riku, looking around to see just how many people were watching this display of affection in the middle of the school. Apparently quite a few.

"Hey!" shouted Axel shaking his fists at all the on lookers, "Stop staring at my Riku! Can't you see he's embarrassed enough about losing the bet?!"

"What bet?" asked one girl standing by her locker.

"Riku and I had a bet but we lost," said Axel, "now we have to dress up like this for a week… Oh and Riku's condemned me to a loveless week on the couch."

Everyone blinked, wondering if the pyro had just said… what they thought he'd said. It seemed like he did. But he was so blunt about it.

"So Riku," said one of Riku's friends named Reno, "does this mean you're not a virgin? Well, I must say I'm surprised."

"Fuck off," muttered Riku half-heartedly. It was the fiftieth time he'd said that this day and he was starting to lose steam.

"Come on Ri-chan," cooed Axel grabbing Riku by the arm and pulling him along, "Luxord wants us back on maid cleaning duty!"

-----

It was seven o'clock by the time Riku and Axel finished cleaning. And Riku, though exhausted, slowly trudged up to Axel's room in order to get some homework done.

"Tired?" asked Axel when Riku entered the room. Riku didn't reply, he was tired, battered and shaken up from the looks people had been sending him.

He collapsed into a chair and pulled out his science notebook, clicking the pen before putting it to work on the paper.

"I'll take that as a yes," chuckled Axel, walking up from behind Riku and wrapping his arms around said uke's shoulders.

"Axel no," said Riku wearily, "I'm too tired. Leave me alone."

"Fine," huffed the red head, "I can wait."

Five minutes later…

"Are you done yet?"

"No."

Five minutes later…

"What about now?"

"_No_."

One minute later…

"Now?"

"No Axel, stop asking."

One minute later…

"Now?"

"No Axel! Don't ask me again!"

Thirty seconds later…

"…Now…?"

"Goddamit Axel! Yes! Fine I'll stop for today!"

Axel slid off the bed with a cheer and slunk over to wear Riku was fuming.

"You know," said Axel, "you're very high-strung." He began massaging Riku's shoulders. After a few attempts at beating Axel's hands away Riku gave up and allowed the red head to proceed with the massage.

"…Axel?"

"Hm?"

"You suck at eating competitions."

"You suck at betting."

"…Fair enough."

**Author's Note: **Bad ending? Yeah kinda. Anyway sorry it took so long to update to all who have been waiting. I've been typing a lot lately though so be glad it didn't take longer. Hm… My fingers are tired… Do I have the strength to go off and type to next chappie of Ignorance is Bliss? Well… I'll try…

**Beg for Reviews: **And so He walked to the cliff where the distraught fangirl stood. And she stood at the brink of the bottomless edge, a whirl wind of misery. And when He reached the edge He stood by her. And lo! He proclaimed:

"_**LET THERE BE REVIEWS!!!"**_

bliss


	3. Blood and GORE!

Chapter Three

Riku didn't question Axel's absence from his bed the next morning. He remembered all to well what had happened yesterday (much to his displeasure).

After changing into his school uniform he marched downstairs and sat down at the table grumpily. Axel looked up and cast him a worried glance.

"Something wrong?"

"Nn…"

"Is that a yes?"

"Nn…"

"Okay then."

Luxord's eyes flitted between the two teens; he hadn't meant for the bet to tear up their relationship like this.

"So you two," he began awkwardly, "I've decided to give you two the day off from any cleaning duties."

"YES!" crowed Axel, Riku didn't seem to care much.

"So what? We can't go out dressed like that anyways. At least if we're cleaning we'll have something to do."

"Aw, c'mon we can go to the movies," said Axel tugging at Riku's arm playfully.

"No way," said Riku shrugging him off, "I'm not going to the theaters dressed like that."

"But- but-… Why Riku?" whined Axel, "I thought you wuved me…" (Insert sniffling puppy dog eyes here).

"No Axel," Riku practically hissed at Axel causing said red head to recoil.

"Riku go with him to the movies," said Luxord.

"But I have school!" Riku protested indignantly.

"Go after school."

"I'll have home work! And I'm behind enough already thanks to all of you!"

"Well," said Luxord looking suddenly menacing, "that's your problem. Not Axel's."

"Thanks Lux," said Axel saluting Luxord.

"How do I get myself into these things?" Riku asked rolling his eyes to the heavens as if pleading for some sort of answer.

"Your petite figure allows you to fit into almost any situation," cooed Axel, "now c'mon I wanna walk you to school."

"Whatever."

-----

"Do you have lunch money?"

"Yes, now please just go Axel. They're staring."

"Just ignore the stares Riku, they're probably just having trouble comprehending how incredibly sexy we are."

"Whatever, can I go? I'm gonna be late now thanks to you."

"Hold on, don't forget your math homework!"

"I've got it right here."

"And what about your social studies essay?"

"What essay?"

"Oh um… Well what about-

"Axel c'mon! Stop acting like a doting mother! It's creepy!"

"You know you like it."

"Axel stop trying to feel me up in front of the school- Axel! People are staring Axel stop it right now!!!"

"Mm...  
"Oh God Axel…. J-just- ooh… Stop it! I'm going to be late!"

"Okay Riku, hey wait your tie's all crooked let me fix it…"

"I know that look Axel, you're not coming anywhere near me."

"I just wanna fix the damn tie."

"No."

"But I- Bye Riku dearest! I'll see you at hooooome!"

"Bye."

Riku stomped into the school ignoring the questioning looks people were sending him as he left behind Axel. Said red head was currently hugging a random high school student and telling them about how "My precious Riku-kins is growing up!"

-----

In the locker rooms Riku had to resort to changing in the toilet stalls in order to avoid everyone's watching eyes. It seemed the little uproar he'd caused yesterday as he left the school was still on everyone's minds. Seeing him in the maid's uniform must have aroused the school's interest in him.

"You're never going to survive this week," said Sora absentmindedly as he and Riku stood near the edge of the gym in uniforms.

"I was thinking the same thing oddly enough," said Riku dryly, he ignored the cat calls being sent his way.

"I'm going to the movies today after school with Axel," said Riku trying to change the subject (I mean really he was just stuck in a maid's uniform for the week. Why did people have to make such a fuss over it?).

"What movie?" asked Sora.

"Um," Riku blinked, "actually I don't know… But seeing as it's Axel he'll probably want to see Borat or something…"

"Sounds fun."

"Should be."

"You could use a nice relaxing time at the movies too. You've been so strained lately…"

"Tell me about it… But you're right, it might be fun to watch a nice relaxing comedy. So long as Axel doesn't grope me in the movie room."

Sora looked over at Riku, "Does he always-?"

"Man handle me? Yeah, pretty much," said Riku with folded arms, he tried to look as dignified as possible despite his previous statement.

"How the heck did you two even meet?"

"I'll tell you some other time," said Riku as the coach blew his whistle for class to start.

-----

After school Riku changed into the outfit without a fuss and walked down the hallway pretending he couldn't see the looks.

"Wow Riku I'm so proud of you," said Kairi coming up from behind him.

"How's that?" asked Riku blankly.

"You're finally getting used to all the attention! That's great! Looks like you're finally getting more open," she clarified.

"...Whatever."

"Well there goes that theory," Selphie giggled.

-----

Riku recoiled in his seat at the theater. He was shaking and his eyes grew wide as the evil bad guy type people on the big screen began pulling someone's face off. Many of the other onlookers in the theater leaned forward (Axel included). Riku just shivered and buried his face in Axel's sleeve.

This action caused Axel to blink and look down at his terrified boyfriend.

"You don't like the movie?" he asked quietly leaning in to examine Riku's face. Riku's eyes were ten times their usual size and his mouth was wide open in a silent scream.

"Are you going to be okay?" asked Axel he ignored the screams of the man on the screen who was currently getting his nails pried off.

In answer Riku sort of shrank back more and his grip on Axel's arm became deathly. At that point a ma sitting behind them told them to please be quiet (he used much more colorful language than that of course) and Axel's attention returned to the movie

Riku sat their in that god forsaken chair for two hours, all reasonable thought gone from his mind. Images of blood and gore induced terror replacing all logic.

When the movie finally ended and the credits started rolling Axel stretched and said quite calmly, "So what did you think of the movie?"

When he didn't get an answer he looked over to where Riku was sitting. Or was supposed to be sitting anyways, he was in actuality curled up in his little ball of security, quietly rocking back and forth.

"Uh Riku?" asked Axel putting a hand on Riku's shoulder. Riku let out a high pierced shriek and jumped a foot.

"Riku, did you… not like the movie?" asked Axel, creeping towards his frightened boyfriend slowly so as not to scare him away. Riku shook his head fiercely, silver locks flying every where. It seemed he couldn't quite manage to get words out.

"C'mon," Axel said trying to usher Riku out of his seat gently, "it's over now. We can go home and I'll buy you some ice cream… Riku? How does that sound?"

Riku was in spastic shock.

His shrill scream had however attracted quite a bit of attention to everyone else in the theater room and after a while of watching Axel trying to pry Riku out of his seat a dirty blonde woman wearing black leather walked up to Axel and said:

"Maybe you should just pick him up."

Axel looked at her and then back at Riku's trembling form. He sighed, "I think you're right." Slowly he wrapped his long arms around Riku and picked him up with a grunt (_"Riku, I told you to lay off the fast food!"_). Riku's eyes were shut tight and his fists curled around Axel's shirt, making little balls of clothe.

Axel tried his best to ignore the stares they were getting. Although he couldn't really blame the people for staring because after all: 1) they were both dressed as French maids, 2) Riku was a complete mess and 3) well… Weren't the first two reasons enough?

After a while people began to file out many of them muttering about unfair treatment towards ukes these days.

-----

"Hey Axel- Whoa holy shit! What the hell did you do to him?" Xigbar gaped like a fish out of the water as Axel shoved pat him with a shaking Riku curled into his arms.

"Apparently Snow White here doesn't like horror movies," said Axel nonchalantly. Everyone in the house hold stopped and stared as Axel dropped Riku on the couch.

Larxene was over to the silver haired teen's huddled form and said in a sweet sugar coated voice, "Don't be scared Riku! All that stuff in those movies is fake! If you want to see real gore I'll show you real intestines-

"Shut up Larxene," muttered Axel as he shoved her away rudely.

"Not my fault he's so scared," said Larxene brushing her sleeve off from where Axel had shoved it with his foot.

"I-…"

Everyone turned to look at Riku expectantly as he finally managed to squeak out some words.

"I… Don't like scary movies…" he whispered in a high pitched voice. And with that his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he passed out cold.

"Yikes," said Axel.

"Axel," said Roxas, "your boyfriend's really high strung."

-----

It was cruel, Axel mused, that the one day this week he got Riku to sleep with him… Riku's too emotionally scarred to even do anything with him. Axel pouted in the dark moonlit room as he pulled Riku's trembling frame closer.

"N-Never again," whispered Riku, "you're never taking me to another scary movie again."

"Alright," whispered Axel rubbing Riku's back in slow rhythmic circles.

**Author's Note: **Yeah so this chapter was a little less funny than usual and a little more fluffy. It also appears that Riku does not like horror or gore. Sorry to those of you who are disappointed that it wasn't very funny, but my comedic juices were running low. I've been feeling oddly depressed lately…. Off to go work on Ignorance is Bliss. Sorry my updates have been slowing down lately peoples.

Please review!!!

bliss


	4. Meet Me in Mexico

Chapter Four

The next day Riku woke up next to Axel with his clothes on…

Odd.

Riku thought over last nights events before realizing that he'd actually slept next to Axel without the red head trying to do anything. Very odd indeed. Their relationship MUST be getting serious.

Riku unwrapped Axel's arms from their position around his waist and got up out of bed. Behind him he heard Axel getting up as well and grumbling about his serious lack of sex.

"Is that all you can think about? Sex?" asked Riku cocking an eyebrow and placing a fist on his hip. Axel scoffed indignantly.

"Of course not… I think about uh," he paused, "I think about you for one thing."

"You think about me having sex with you," accused Riku pointedly.

"So?"

"That's still thinking about sex."

"No it's not; sex with you is so not your average sex."

"But it's still sex."

"How so?"

"I-… It's still sex!"

"Oh yeah? Define sex."

"Uh well er…"

-

"FINE THEN! WE'LL LOOK IT UP IN THE DICTIONARY!"

Everyone in the Organization XIII household looked up from their morning breakfast to see a fuming Riku stomping down the stairs followed by a snickering Axel.

Riku snatched a dictionary from the living room shelf and began to tear through its pages furiously.

"Axel what did you do to piss him off now?" asked Roxas in a bored fashion, not taking his eyes away from his scrambled eggs.

"Um well…" Axel scratched his head.

"HA!" cried Riku snatching up the book and jamming it directly under Axel's nose, "READ!"

The silver haired teen followed this statement by walking back upstairs and laughing maniacally. Axel sighed and read:

**Sex** _/seks/ n_. 1. **Intercourse** sexual intercourse.

Axel blinked. _It's such a short definition…_

He looked up and shouted after Riku, "I still don't think it's the same thing!"

His reply was an indignant roar of:

"YOU DON'T THINK SEX WITH ME COUNTS AS INTERCOURSE?!"

Xemnas and the other people in the room shook their heads and continued eating.

-

Riku was tired from lack of sleep. He'd stayed up most of the night due to nightmares. There were bags under his eyes and his hair was slightly limp; it didn't quite have its usual sparkle of life or sheen.

"Oh whoa," said Sora walking up, cheerfulness melting into concern, "are you okay man? What happened?"

"Tired. Didn't sleep," muttered Riku.

"What were you doing all night?" asked Sora, "Riku? Riku?"

He leaned his head and peered up into Riku's face. Riku had stopped walking and his eyes were shut and peaceful; his breathing was coming in at regular intervals.

"Is he asleep?" asked Kairi as she hurried to catch up to the two other boys.

"Uh yeah, I think so," said Sora still staring at Riku's tranquil expression, he began snapping his fingers in front of Riku's face, "Riku. Riku! Hey Riku!"

"Huh? Wha?" Riku blinked and yawned groggily.

"You fell asleep," Kairi informed him.

Riku blinked at her in disbelief, "What? Standing up? That's ridiculous…"

He shook his head and muttered "being silly" under his breath. Kairi and Sora shrugged before setting off after their older companion.

-

Riku, Sora, Selphie, Kairi, Tidus and Wakka were all eating lunch in the cafeteria. Riku was quietly chewing slowly. He was chewing slowly mainly because his mouth was tired and sore. Heck, even his teeth hurt.

"Riku, you're boyfriend is going to end up giving you an anxiety attack or at the very least an ulcer," chirped Tidus cheerfully continueing to munch away at his lunch. Riku grunted in response.

"How did you two even meet?" asked Sora, "C'mon you told me you'd tell me later... Please? Please? Pretty please?"

"Fine," said Riku irritably, "It was during my summer vacation… You remember I went to Mexico?"

Sora and the others nodded eagerly, awaiting the story they'd been promised…

"Well…" said Riku, sighing reminiscently, "It all began on the fourth day of the trip… I was eating breakfast by myself while my parents went to some boring couples' convention…"

-

_"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!" _

_Marluxia's shriek was at least double the normal pitch for any self-respecting man. Axel guffawed at the girly-ness of his shriek._

_"You are _so_ gay," said Axel teasingly pointing a finger at the brown-pink haired man standing in front of him._

_"I am not!" cried Marluxia indignantly, "I have a girlfriend!" As if to demonstrate this he pulled Larxene closer to himself. Axel and Roxas exchanged glances before rolling their eyes skyward. _

_"Dude," began Axel, "you're girlfriend is Larxene. For God's sake she's tougher than you! That counts as gay."_

_"It does not! She's not actually a guy," protested Marluxia._

_"Okay then," said Axel putting a hand on his hip, "you're a gay guy pretending to be straight by dating a girl who's probably lesbian."_

_"Ahem, you know, I'm standing right here," Larxene coughed into her fist._

_The two battling males ignored her comment. This was war god damn it!_

_"Well," scoffed Marluxia, "at least I don't pretend to be a pimp."_

_"…What was that?" asked Axel, voice deadly quiet._

_"You heard me," sneered Marluxia, "you're always pretending to be some sort of gay playboy. But look at you! I don't think I've even ever seen you with a boyfriend!"_

_Axel lost his composure and valiantly tried to make a good comeback. Finally he gave up and muttered a few profanities under his breath. He turned his gaze back on Marluxia, green eyes almost glowing dangerously. _

_Said pink haired man smirked._

_"Alright then, if that's the way you wanna play," said Axel folding his arms smugly, "I'll bet you can't pick up a _really_ feminine girl by the end of the day."_

_"You're on," said Marluxia, voice dripping with challenge, "and I'll bet you can't pick up a girl by the end of the day either."_

_"Y- What?!" Axel blinked at Marluxia in confusion, "shouldn't you be daring me to pick up a guy? Since you're accusing me of being a GAY pimp and all?"_

_"You're not man enough to suck it up and spend the day with a GIRL?" asked Marluxia, cocking an eyebrow. Axel's eyes narrowed._

_"OF COURSE I'M MAN ENOUGH! You're on!"_

_"Good," said Marluxia, he pointed his finger in the direction of a table where a certain silver haired figure was eating 'her' breakfast', "pick up that girl right there."_

_"That girl?" Axel faltered and glanced at the long silver hair, he turned his attention back to Marluxia, "Sure, I'll go introduce myself right now."_

_Axel strolled casually over to the girl's table. She was eating an omelet, picking at it morosely with her fork. It was a rather melancholy scene what with her long bangs and everything. She even pushed her food around on her plate in a melancholy fashion._

_Axel racked his brain for pick up lines that worked on GIRLS (hey he only ever learned the ones for guys)._

_"I must be a pirate," he said huskily, "cause I'm digging you're chest."_

_The girl turned around and sent Axel a cold glare, "Excuse me?"_

_Axel's green eyes met startling aqua, he continued unperturbed._

_"So what's a sweet thing like you doing eating breakfast by yourself? Maybe I can join y-…" He stopped, halting mid-sentence. His eyes roved over the body of the "girl" in the chair. Her sneakers, pants, and… Rather flat chest. _

_Axel opened his mouth and closed it. And opened… and closed… and opened… and…_

_"As riveting as it is watching the movement of your jaw," said the girl- no GUY- sarcastically, "Would you mind repeating what you just said? Maybe you'd like to finish that sentence?" Aqua eyes shot electric bolts at Axel._

_Finally Axel remembered how to utilize his jaw muscles he said quite bluntly, "You're a… dude?"_

_The boy opened his mouth and gaped at Axel, "I-… You…"_

_Axel recovered and said quickly, "Alright here's the thing I-…"_

_He stopped. Larxene was walking towards the table._

_"Nevermind," he hissed quietly into the silver haired boy's ear, "just whatever you do pretend to be a girl!"_

_With that he slung his arm around the boy's shoulder protectively and led him away from their table._

_"What? What?! WHAT?!" The boy's voice rose higher as he continued to squawk protests._

_"Exactly, just like that," said Axel, "You got a name?"_

_"Riku." _

_"Riku," Axel tested out how it felt on his tongue, "alright Riku well, here's the thing… I'm gay." Riku looked up at Axel in surprise, "And my friends," he jerked his thumb in Marluxia's direction, "just dared me to pick up a girl. So yeah, we thought you were a chick. Sorry about that, but anyways you're going to help me right?"_

_He smiled winningly at Riku who just stared back at him dumbly._

_"…Uh… S-sure…"_

_"Great! Thanks! Sorry if this is going to be awkward for you… If you're not gay…" Axel let it hang._

_"No, no I am," said Riku quickly, Axel sighed in relief, "I've just… never been in a relationship before…"_

_"Really?" Axel took in Riku's attractive looks, "that's surprising, sorry but I think that means I'll probably be stealing your first kiss."_

_Riku said nothing._

_The point of the bet was to not only pick up a girl, but get her to stick with you for the day and so it was that Axel ended up leading Riku around the resort, doing his darnedest to avoid his friends if ever they should venture near._

_It all came down hill however when Riku and Axel were about to enter the bathroom and were interrupted by Larxene's loud call of:_

_"Hey Axel! Is that your new girlfriend?!"_

_Axel swore loudly before shoving Riku into the girl's bathroom._

_"Hey why'd you push her?" asked Larxene, "I want to meet her…"_

_"Sorry, uh, she really had to go," said Axel hurriedly._

_"She got a name?" asked Larxene tilting her head curiously._

_"Uh yeah, it's Riku," said Axel._

_"Cool," said Larxene, "so I take it the bet's going well for you?"_

_"Yup, she's actually pretty neat…"_

_In the meantime Riku was facing some minor problems._

_When the door to the bathroom shut behind him he swore he could feel his fate being sealed. The women in the bathroom did not look up at first, and Riku used that split second to quickly walk in to one of the stalls and lock the door behind him._

_As soon as that door was closed he entered his panic mode._

_Now Riku's panic mode has five different phases:_

_**Phase One**: He tries to take deep breaths like his stress counselor told him to._

_**Phase Two**: He looks for an escape route or some small ray of hope._

_**Phase Three**: If none can be found his breathing speeds up._

_**Phase Four**: He starts blaming other people for putting him in this situation._

_**Phase Five**: He screams. Loudly._

_And so it was that Riku found himself at the last step of one of his panic attacks. _

_Now it was a widely known fact that in extreme situations Riku has problems dealing with stress. In fact in some of the most major cases he's been known to hyperventilate. Unfortunately Axel did not know this._

_From his position in the hallway Axel let out a breath as Larxene roamed off. His relief was short lived however as a shrill shriek pierced his ears._

_Not thinking properly he rushed into the bathroom. Then he started thinking clearly. Most of the women didn't notice or care about the fact that a guy was in there considering Riku was currently shrieking his ears off._

_Axel swore loudly and pushed his way through the throng of women. He kicked the stall door open and grabbed Riku by the wrist, rushing him out of there before any of the women could realize he wasn't a girl._

_Once outside Riku started calming down and took deep soothing breaths, Axel rubbed his back and finally stopped dragging him once they were clear of the bathrooms._

_"Hey you going to be okay?" asked Axel, continueing to rub Riku's back in rhythmic circles._

_"I- I'll be fine," Riku's voice was cracked and hoarse; "it wasn't that bad."_

_"Anything I can do to help?" asked Axel._

_"No, no," said Riku, "this kind of stuff always happens to me."_

_"What? You mean getting stuffed into girls' bathrooms?"_

_Riku glared. Axel's mouth decided to shut up._

_"No dumb ass," growled Riku, "I mean the whole screaming panic attack thing."_

_"Oh… Really?" asked Axel cocking his head, he never would've guessed the cool, collected guy he'd met this morning was possible of freaking out._

_"My friend Kairi says that I regularly drive myself to the point of heart failure," said Riku. Axel stared at him._

_"I never would've guessed…"_

_"Yeah, that's what a lot of people say," Riku sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "then they see me getting stressed out and it all makes sense."_

_"I see…" Axel mulled over this new information for a while. Suddenly his face broke out into a grin. Riku eyed him warily._

_"Axel? Wh-What is it?"_

_"I am going to have soooooo much fun with you," said Axel mischievously._

_Riku gulped. This could not be good…_

-

"And so ends my story…" Riku concluded, taking another sip of his water for dramatic effect.

"But wait," said Selphie, "what did Axel do to you after that?"

"Yeah," Kairi pouted, "it must have been seriously evil…"

"He tied me to a pole and charged girls to kiss me," said Riku not looking up from his food. Everyone froze and stared at him.

"How much money did he make?" asked Tidus shrewdly.

"Why?" Riku's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"No reason," Tidus's gaze returned to his food innocently but he and Wakka exchanged winks. They had a few ideas for their next few get rich quick schemes.

"And you ended up going out with him?" asked Sora, eyes wide.

"Well he did save my life," said Riku.

"How?!" everyone asked at once.

"When I was still tied to the pole a really old, really fat lady came up and was just about to suck my mouth off when he swooped in and dragged me away from her," riku shuddered briefly bit other than that his expression remained bored.

"So it was the start of a beautiful relationship?" asked Kairi, Selphie sighed dreamily in the background.

"Call it what you want," Riku shrugged uncaringly, "personally I wouldn't use the word beautiful but…"

"So what happened after he rescued you?" asked Sora, "When did his friends find out you weren't a girl?"

"The next day," Riku suddenly became very interested in his feet.

"The next day?!" asked Tidus, "Why? How?"

"His best friend Roxas came into his hotel room in the morning and saw us sleeping together."

"I see…" Everyone at the table avoided each other's gazes for a while.

-

After school Riku walked home alone, doing his best to avoid dark alleyways that might have rapists lurking in them.

When he finally reached Axel's house he stopped just outside the front door when he heard noises on the inside. He put his ear next to the door and listened carefully.

"Oh my GOD!!! MARLUXIA DON'T PUT THAT FLOWER THERE!"

"BUT THE PIG TRIED TO EAT IT!"

"I DON'T CARE! DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE THAT OSTRICH WENT?!"

"IT'S TAKING A SHOWER!"

"WHO LET THE OSTRICH INTO THE BATHROOM?!"

"Uh… Not me."

"AXEL YOU IDIOT I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"  
"WHAT?! I SAID NOT ME!"

Riku sighed and opened the door to the house bracing himself for what was to come.

**Author's Note:** Don't ask about the ending. We will pick back up on that in the next chapter! Anyways, so today we witnessed the epic tale of how Axel and Riku met. This chapter wasn't too great but I still kind of like it just because of the way Riku and Axel met.

Please review people! Or else I will die!!!  
bliss


	5. Bathroom Duties

Chapter Whatever

Riku stared at the scene unfolding before his eyes. He sighed and shut them. Then he took a deep, calming breath in order to prepare himself to open them again.

Yup, that image was still there.

_Damn…_

Finally Riku shook his head and said, "Uh… Would someone like to er… explain what's going on here?"

Axel stopped his yelling match with Xemnas and looked at Riku. Riku blinked, Axel looked pretty beat and his pink skirt was all ruffled and messed up…

"Hey Riku, sorry but this isn't the best time, we've got a small problem," said the red head gesturing to the mess that was the Organization's living room.

"I noticed the mess, yes," said Riku rolling his eyes, "but I was a little more curious to know where the animals came from…?"

"Animals?"

Riku gestured to the pig that was chewing on Marluxia's hair, "And I think I heard someone shout something about an ostrich…" commented the silver haired one idly. At that point they were all distracted by Larxene's yelling coming from upstairs.

"Damn it! You fucking ostrich stop! Ack! No!!!"  
Marluxia sighed and slumped, "I guess I'd better go help her…" He gave the pig that was chewing on him a violent kick causing it to topple over with a grunt.

"Oh right, _those _animals," said Axel as if there had been no interruption, "Well… there is an explanation…"

Riku rolled his eyes, "Am I going to believe this explanation?"  
"Probably not."  
"Should I sit down?"

"Probably."

"Oh dear…"

"Yeah."

------

**"YOU WHAT?!"**

"Now d- dear… C-calm down! It's not as bad as you think all we've gotta do is-

**"YOU FUCKING KLEPTOMANIAC!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! I HONESTLY CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!!!"**

As Riku continued to rave Roxas sidled up to Luxord and muttered, "Wow, Riku seems pretty high-strung huh?"  
"I know," murmured Luxord, watching as Axel attempted to calm Riku down, "It's a wonder how he can put up with Axel all the time…"

"I- You-Stupid-Bastard-Can't believe this-going out with-you-animals?!-Of all the- irresponsible- lazy-fucking-damn- asshole-son of a- Ignorant- idiot!"  
As Riku's list of profanities went on they got worse and worse until at long last he let out a few choice words that caused Axel to topple over.

"What the…? I didn't even know you knew that one Riku!" he hollered, holding his hands over his burning ears. Everyone else had gone particularly pale in the room.

Riku stood there in the center of attention breathing heavily, fists clenched at his side. Axel blinked to clear his eyes of shock (because even his eyes felt like they'd been scourged too).

"Riku where'd you learn those words?" he asked.

"Larxene. Duh. Where else?"

Axel couldn't claim to be surprised by Riku's explanation but all the same…

"Larxene forget about the stupid ostrich and get down here!" he hollered. After a few moments Larxene and Marluxia trudged down the stairs, they seemed particularly shiny. As they got closer Riku saw that they were in fact covered in some sort of slimy substance. As Larxene murmured obscenities under her breath Marluxia squeezed some of the accusing liquid goop out of his brown pink locks.

"What happened to you guys?" asked Roxas shakily. Larxene glowered at him but answered nonetheless.

"That ostrich…"  
"What about the ostrich?"  
"It squirted- You know what! All over me and Marluxia AND the bathroom!" she cried, as she spoke she flung her arms out for emphasis and they sent globs of- well y'know… All over the living room.

"Wait," said Vexen, "why did the ostrich-… Yeah."  
"He saw Xigbar's stash of porn he hides under the toilet," replied Marluxia, not even batting an eye.

"How'd you know about that?" asked Xigbar, though his queries went unheard. Everyone else continued to talk.

"So the ostrich saw Xigbar's pornography magazines and got so horny he creamed the entire bathroom?" Only Saix could say all that with a straight face.

"Yes!" cried Larxene, clearly disgusted by it all. And rightfully so too.

"Well at least we know it's a boy ostrich," offered Demyx weakly, "a gay boy ostrich. Huh… Who would've guessed?"

"Okay," said Xemnas, taking charge. After all this was HIS house damn it! And he would not allow these kids to make such a mess and not follow his orders, "Demyx and Riku will stay here and clean the bathroom while the rest of us go and return all the animals."

"WHAT?!" Riku and Demyx looked horrified.

"Hey," said Xemnas holding up a hand commandingly, "this is MY house," he growled, "and if all of you want to continue staying here you'd better do whatever the shit I say."  
"Don't you mean whatever the hell?" asked Axel curiously.

Xemnas gave him a look and Axel took it as a sign to shut up fast.

"Now c'mon, let's try and get the animals in some sort of cage," continued Xemnas as if he hadn't been giving Axel a look that clearly said _"I want you to die a slow and painful death"._

After about thirty minutes of messy, sweaty labor all of them managed to get every stray animal into a cage of some sort that Xaldin managed to find somewhere in the huge household.

"Have fun with your cleaning!" called Axel kissing Riku on the cheek and thumping Demyx on the back.

"Good luck," muttered Zexion dryly. Lexaeus guffawed stupidly and Vexen snickered behind his hand.

"Vindictive little shits," hissed Riku as the last three members of the Organization left he and Demyx alone in the large house. Demyx sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He turned to Riku a determined glimmer in his eyes Riku had never seen in there before.

"Well, are you ready?" Riku nodded solemnly and steeled him self for what was to come.

It appeared his efforts were in vain though because nothing could have prepared him for the mess that was the bathroom.

When he and Demyx stepped into the bathroom their first thoughts were:  
_"I'm going to kill Xemnas!"_

They couldn't mull over thoughts of murder for long though because pretty soon Riku was gagging on the smell and the sheer grossness of it all. And Demyx was so nauseous he was threatening to pass out cold.

Riku gasped and spluttered, barely managing to get out the words, "Maybe we should… wear face masks or something?"

"Yeah, I think we keep them in the pantry," panted Demyx, leaning against the door to the bathroom for support.

"I'll get them," muttered Riku, voice filled with finality and grim determination.

"I'll get some galoshes," said Demyx heading down the stairs all too cheerful to be leaving the bathroom if only for a moment.

"Yeah…" murmured Riku as he eyed the goopy floor that was once clean tiles, "We're definetly going to need those galoshes."

Slowly, treading carefully, he stepped delicately into the bathroom. Riku nearly tripped several times but eventually managed to get the face masks out of the pantry and make it back to the hallway outside the bathroom. Demyx soon came up the stairs holding two pairs of galoshes in his hands.

"Here," he said tossing one of them to Riku, "put these on."

"Thanks," muttered Riku, "where'd you get these anyways?"

"Zexion's room, he doesn't like to get his shoes wet whenever it rains."

"But why does he have two pairs? Doesn't he only need one?"

"Oh no, of course not," Demyx snorted and rolled his eyes, "after he gets one pair all muddy he throws it away cause it's all dirty."

"So… He's a little bit of a germaphobe?"

"You could say that, I guess," said Demyx absently. Once they had the galoshes on they both put three face masks on their faces, because one wasn't enough and two wasn't much better. Once they were properly decked out in protection and armed with cleaning utensils Riku looked at Demyx, girding himself for battle.

"You ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

"So that's a no?"

"Shut up, let's just do this and get it over with."

"Right."

And so they set to work, Demyx working on getting it off the walls and Riku scooping it up in a bucket they had prepared. After a while Riku sighed and straightened up, Demyx put down his scrubber and looked at him curiously.

"This is really sad," said Riku, shaking his head disbelievingly, "I'd actually rather be in school then here."

"That does suck," agreed the blonde.

It was messy and totally unsatisfying work but eventually after hours of scrubbing and sterilizing the tiles and scrapping the little clumps out of the grout they found they were pretty much done. Except for one minor detail…

"Do you think they'll mind the smell?" Riku tilted his head at Demyx questioningly. The blonde shrugged and grinned at Riku through his layers of face masks.

"Yes, but that's their problem," he said, "and besides we've done all we can. I even sprayed perfume all over and it stills reeks," he chuckled, "ah well… What can you do?"

"I guess," said Riku slowly. They admired their work for a few minutes before Demyx declared he was hungry. Riku gawked at him.

"But it's…" he glanced at the clock, "it's so late… I haven't gotten a chance to rest since I got home from school."

"Riku you exaggerate way too much," Demyx laughed off the other's worried tone, "it's only…" his voice trailed off, "okay so it's twelve at night. So what? You can't honestly tell me you're not hungry. Not after all that work."

"Point taken, what is there to eat?" asked Riku.

"Ice cream."

"But it's way too late for-… Whatever."

------

Riku and Demyx were sitting on the couch in the Organization's living room. Both of them were shaking. Partly out of fear (they were having a scary movie marathon) and partly because they'd each consumed about two containers of ice cream.

Demyx claimed he regularly ate such large quantities of the ice cream, but judging from the way he was twitching, Riku assumed he'd been lying. That is, Riku would've assumed he'd been lying if he could see how much Demyx was shaking. However at the moment Riku was shaking just as badly as Demyx so it was impossible for him to even recognize Demyx's less than still form.

At about two in the morning Axel and the rest of the Organization came home to find Demyx and Riku watching horror movies, scared out of their wits and jerking uncontrollably in their seats.

"What's up with you guys?" asked Zexion, bending down to inspect their faces closer. Demyx's left eye was twitching spastically.

"I think these might answer your question," said Larxene, she came into the living room holding several empty ice cream containers.

"So…" said Roxas slowly, "not only does Demyx steal circus animals… But he's also an ice cream addict and passed his mental disorder onto Riku as well?"

"Idiot," scoffed Axel, whacking Demyx upside the head, "and you," he growled, pointing a finger accusingly at Riku, "I expected better of you."

Either Riku couldn't hear Axel or he was vibrating too much to get his mouth to form the right words but either way he didn't answer. Axel sighed and picked him up in order to carry him off to the bedroom.

Demyx was left on the couch to detox on his own.

------

Riku and Demyx spent the rest of the week in pretty bad shape. Both of them had clearly consumed more ice cream than was healthy (never mind LEGAL) and were now spending a good few days at home sleeping it off.

Because of his current issues Luxord had decided to call the bet off and so it was that Axel and Riku were able to burn their maid uniforms in the fire and move on with life.

"Hey Riku?" asked Axel eyeing his silver haired lover who was currently slumped over the couch. Said lover groaned.

"Quit whining," preached Axel, "it's your own fault for eating so much ice cream with Demyx." Riku mumbled incoherently into the pillow his face was stuffed in, Axel managed to make out the words: "You… sex… me…"

"Oh c'mon, we already came to the conclusion that I do not think only about sex," muttered Axel defensively, Riku grunted, "Alright fine then, I'll just drag you up the stairs and into bed."

Axel pulled Riku all the way up the stairs, grunting the entire way, "Why are you looking after me so much?" mumbled Riku groggily.

"Because I love you very much," cooed Axel dotingly. But he couldn't help but think to himself:  
_And the sex is_ bound _to be interesting what with him vibrating so much…_

**Author's Note: **This just might be the most shitty, half-assed piece of writing I've ever done. Yikes. And that is saying something. Obviously saying this would be seven chapters long was a mistake. My best friend CraziiJaney was the one who said:

"You should make it SEVEN chapters! That's one chapter for each day of the bet!"

And like an idiot I agreed. So one day I was complaining to her about it and she said:

"Well… Why don't you just make it so that Axel and Riku don't last through the bet? End the story early."

And for once I'm GLAD I took her advice (just kidding Janey I LOVE YOU!!!).

So yeah, I half-assed it and rushed and cut it off bluntly. But in the end I'm kind of glad I did because there are just so many other multi-chapter stories I need to write other than this. Anyways, I'm sorry to those of you who are upset and I don't ask any of you to review because in all honesty I'm not sure I want to be told about how evil I am.


End file.
